Burial or Cremation? How to Decide

If the person who died did not leave clear instructions, deciding between burial and cremation can feel like an enormous responsibility. There is no right answer, and families who choose differently are not choosing wrongly. Here are the things worth weighing up.

Did they say what they wanted?

Start here. A stated wish — even an offhand comment years ago — carries a lot of weight and takes the burden of the decision off you. Check whether there is anything in a will, a funeral plan, or a recorded set of wishes.

If there is nothing, you are not doing anything wrong by making the choice yourselves. Families do this all the time.

Practical differences

Cost. Burial is generally more expensive than cremation, mainly because of the cost of purchasing a grave and the interment fee. A memorial headstone is a further cost on top, often some months later.

A place to visit. This is often the deciding factor. Some families feel strongly about having a grave to go to. Others find that ashes kept at home, or scattered somewhere meaningful, serve the same purpose. There is no universally correct view.

Timing. Both can usually be arranged within a similar timeframe, though grave availability at a particular cemetery can occasionally affect this.

Flexibility afterwards. Ashes can be divided between family members, scattered in more than one place, buried, interred in a memorial garden, or made into keepsakes. A burial is a single, permanent decision.

Faith and family tradition

For some families the decision is settled by religious teaching or long-standing family practice — a family grave that generations have been buried in, for example. If faith is a factor, your minister or faith leader is the right person to speak to, and we are very used to working alongside them.

What if the family disagrees?

This happens more often than you might think, and it is rarely really about burial or cremation. It is usually about people grieving differently and wanting some say in the goodbye.

It can help to separate the two questions: what happens to the body, and how you mark the death. A family who cannot agree on burial can often agree on a service, a reading, a piece of music. Sometimes finding agreement on the ceremony makes the other decision easier.

We have sat with a good number of families working through exactly this, and we are happy to help you talk it through without taking sides.

Take your time

You do not have to decide the day after someone dies. There is usually more time than families assume, and a decision made in a rush is the one people most often regret.

If you would like to talk it over with someone who has no stake in which way you go, call Robert on 07599 46 26 49.